Film noir movie title train wrecks...

[Christina Delassalle]

We are in the middle of a big systems failure at work, so I am bored out of my gourd.

Movie title train wrecks: you have to use atleast one film noir movie and give a brief synopsis of the movie if you will, makes it more fun.

The last word of the first title has to be the first word of the movie title it runs into..Capisce?

Murder My Sweet collides with Sweet Charity

Murder My Sweet Charity...Hard boiled Dectective Phil Marlowe meets an optomistic taxi dancer/prostitute during the investigation of a convoluted missing person/murder mystery. They have a couple of song and dance numbers together (Dick Powell revisiting his roots).

The Egg and I Wake Up Screaming..a falsely accused murder suspect on the lame ends up hiding out on a chicken ranch in the Pacific Northwest.

The Glass Key Largo..Ed, the bodyguard of a political boss risks his life and reputation to clear his boss/friend who has been accused of killing the son of a rival political boss. Ed traces the real killer and his gang to a seedy hotel in Key Largo. The hotel is run by the widow and father of an old army buddy. The hotel has been temporarily taken over by the fugitive killer and his gang. Ed falls in love with the widow, but since Humphrey Bogart is there on a fishing vacation, Ed knows he doesn't have a chance with the woman.
Meanwhile Ed takes the killer and his gang out fishing and shoves them all off of the boat during a hurricane.
Ed goes back to the hotel and has to satisfy himself with the dead ganster's alcoholic mistress.

(The Glass Key with George Raft, because Alan Ladd would never take Claire Trevor over Veronica Lake)

[Richard]

How about Kiss the Blood off My ____ (fill in the blank) and Night Has a Thousand ___ (fill in the blank.


Richard

[Hard-Boiled-Rick]

The Endless Summer - Crime Wave

A gang of 1950s small-time hoods gets tired of holding up gas stations in L.A. and become surf bums in Montecito.

After a couple weeks, they get bored of the tiny Santa Barbara surf breaks and build a raft made out of Ross Macdonald paperback books, and float out to Hawaii in search of big surf.

Hot on their trail, Sterling Hayden buys a schooner and chases the hooligan surfers across the Pacific, but takes a wrong turn South and lands in Tahiti where he stays permanently. He retires from the L.A.P.D. and Hollywood.

The surfing hoods land on the Big Island, but get drunk on arrak (sugarcane -coconut booze), and are waylaid by a bunch of wahine femme-fatales. Broke and without surfboards, Ted de Corsia hatches a plan to hold up a Big Island gas station, but Tim Carey screws up the heist. Jack Lord arrests them all and ships them into jail.

While doing time in the Big Island Big House, the hoods spend their time reading their water soaked Ross Macdonald books, surfing magazines, and watching film noir flicks.

http://www.12gauge.com/images/2003/sterlinghayden1973.jpg



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8__EwAT8VM&feature=related

[Nauga]

How about Kiss the Blood off My ____ (fill in the blank) and Night Has a Thousand ___ (fill in the blank.


Richard

Someone please tell me Kiss the Blood off My Darling Clementine is a viable screenplay option.

Good idea Christina... I can tell I'll be up all night thinking of mixed-up titles!

[Juke Joint Jonny]

THE ASPHALT JUNGLE BOY - Johnny Sheffield as Bomba gets a job paving roads. A DARK PASSAGE TO INDIA - David Lean directs Bogie who after plastic surgery looks just like Alec Guinness. THE LADY FROM SHANGHAI NOON - Rita Hayworth and Jackie Chan??? Say it ain't so...
ROAD HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL - Jefty's road house has ghosts!!! Real bowling pins get flung at the audience.

[Christina Delassalle]

Thanks Nauga.
Good stuff Juke Joint Jonny!

The Cat People Under The Stairs..never mind the plot, we're gonna need a bigger litter box!

Bad Day at Black Rock -n- Roll High School..Spencer Tracy is the new principal at an out of control high school..back to class boys and girls!

Born To Kill Bill...with Lawrence Tierney and Claire Trevor hot on his trail, Bill would have been toast long before Tarrentino had to stretch the movie out into Vol. II.

[Steve-O]

The Naked City of Fear

In this docudrama Esther Howard is loose in NYC wearing nothing but a pair of Crocs and a smile. Lt. Dan Muldoon (Barry Fitzgerald) decides it's time to retire.
http://www.cinefania.com/pics/personas/2/2917.jpg

[Raven]

Brighton Rock Around the Clock

Fed up with the “British Invasion,” Bill Haley and His Comets jet over to England and proceed to beat the crap out of some mop-topped kids in Liverpool wearing collarless jackets and pointed toed, ankle high boots.

[Christina Delassalle]

You guys are brilliant!

Clash by Night of the Lupus ......world weary Barbara Stanwyk returns to the sleepy little fishing town she grew up in only to find it is being overrun by giant rabbits.

Touch of Evil Under the Sun .......Hank Quinlan and Hercule Poirot join forces at a quaint island hotel to track down a jewel thief/murderer. They both end up going on an eating and drinking binge and never do find out who killed the aging Emma Peel.

Not quite following the rules, but they are more guidelines that actual rules.

Rebecca/Rebecca of Sunny Brook Farm...little Rebecca is sent to live with her Aunt Miranda. When she gets there her Aunt has mysteriously disappeared from the farm and instead she is greeted by a Mrs. Danvers. (ya see "Danny" managed to escape the blaze at Manderley and hot footed it to the States to avoid prosecution and the looney bin) Rebecca thought her Aunt was going to be a hard case, but she ain't seen nothing yet.
Shirley never gets the opportunity to do that great dance with Bojangles, because Aunt Danny pushed him down the stairs.

[Harry Fabian]

Ok, I'll give this a shot

The Maltese Falcon and the Snowman - A couple of former altar boys, one a disillusioned intelligence agent and one a desperate for cash drug dealer/addict go on a murder spree trying to steal a jewel-encrusted statuette from Sam Spade and sell it to the evil Russian agent, Caspar Guttman.

[Christina Delassalle]

Good one Harry!

Isle of the Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid......Carl Reiner and Steve Martin make a noir spoof that is predominately a compilation of movie clips from many of the greatest films ever made in the genre. They decide to make this film on an island, but unbeknownst to them there is a plague and all the living members of the cast start dropping like flies.

[Raw Deal]

NIGHTMARE ALLEY BEFORE CHRISTMAS- the first claymation noir.

LITTLE SHOP AROUND THE DARK CORNER- Jimmy Stewart finds a body in the shop that incriminates him. He hides it (on a shelf in the back behind some luggage)he beigins to suspect the mysterious penpal as the real murderer. Remade as YOU'VE GOT BLACKMAIL.

WHITE CHRISTMAS HEAT- Crosby and Kaye try to turn an old mt. resort into a nightclub until Cody Jarret and his gang decide to use it for a hideout. contains the hit songs "White Christmas" and"Look Ma, Top O' The World".

EDGE OF THE CITY ON THE EDGE OF FOREVER- Kirk and Spock must follow a deranged McCoy thru time to the docks of 1950's New York to keep him from destroying the future.

[eubiecat]

In 1947's under-rated Ride The Pink Horse Whisperer, Robert Montgomery impresses as an obsessive-compulsive debt collector who trails an eccentric carousel collector who's skipped the country, owing a local gangster a cool two million. Filmed on location in various Downey, California back yards.

Then there's Odds Against Tomorrow Is Another Day, a confusing blend of pessimism, optimism and bouncy musical production numbers, starring Robert Ryan and Sonja Henie in their only screen appearance. (Yes, this is the other ice-skating noir, aside from 1946's Suspense!)

Finally, in 1949's A Double Life Of Riley, William Bendix has an unforgettable role as a post-war suburbanite who leads two seperate lives--one during the day, and one in the back-rooms of sin, at night--due to PTSD-iniduced sleepwalking. Tom D'Andrea co-stars as Riley's next-door neighbor, Gillis, who discovers the situation and acts as Riley's "conscience."

[Christina Delassalle]

Jeez this is good stuff! I'd pay to see some of these movies.
Absolutely brilliant. A Double Life Of Riley LMAO

Unfaithfully Yours, Mine and Ours....While fantasizing about and actually trying to kill his wife Rex Harrison meets Lucille Ball and expands his murderous thoughts to include Henry Fonda so he can run off with Lucy.

Beyond the Forrest Gump...Bette Davis bored with small town life and her husband, has a tryst with a business man from Chicago, she runs off to the city to be with him, but enroute she meets a simple man on a park bench and falls madly in love with him. She ends up contracting aids in the big city, seems she met more than a few men. The movie does not end happily.

This movie is best remembered as the film in which Miss Davis uttered that often mis-quoted line..."What a Gump!"

[Raven]

Naked Alibi Ike
Rarely seen documentary produced by Adlai Stevenson about a former, unnamed U.S President and his torrid affair with Hollywood bad girl Gloria Graham.


Party Girl Can’t Help It
Jayne Mansfield stars as wild party girl who runs away from gangster Eddie O'Brien only to lose her head over Robert Taylor.


The Street with No Name That Tune
Early 50’s TV game show hosted by William Bendix in his trademark ink stained white suit, in which contestants, while riding the Madison Ave. bus in Manhattan, are asked to make up and sing songs between each bus stop. The winner receives a year’s supply of Spam, and a Muntz TV.

[Hard-Boiled-Rick]

They Drive By Night and the City
Ann Sheridan, Humphrey Bogart, and George Raft drive into the city to watch a Richard Widmark movie. But they can’t find the movie theater, which is located on a street with no name. On their return home, they pick up Jean Peters, Ida Lupino and Jean Hagen on South Street, who persuade the three to go and watch…

Attack of the 50-Foot Woman on the Run
Ann Sheridan is stunned to find out that this sci-fi film noir stars a tall Marie Windsor, who steps on a bunch of chumps. After the movie, they stop in at a truck stop along…

Thieves Highway 301
The group meets Steve Cochran and Virginia Grey along with Richard Conte, Lee J. Cobb and Valentina Cortese. They all decide to go to a Johnny Winter's concert where the guitarist plays Bob Dylan’s Highway 61. On their way to the concert, they pass William Talman standing along the road with a thumb out trying to hitch a ride. They stop, look into his right eye, slam the door shut, leave him standing on the road, and keep on truckin’. The next day, the gang drives to the Egyptian Theatre to see…

My Fair Lady in the Lake
Upon the debut screening of this ‘billed’ film noir at the Egyptian Theatre, angry, hard-core film noir fans riot and invade the projection room and throw this flick into a nearby lake, arguing Rex Harrison is not possible in film noir.

Gentlemen Prefer Blonde Sinner(s)
Stars blonde bombshells, Diana Dors and Marilyn Monroe. The movie is without plot, but moviegoers don’t care. The flick breaks box office records.

Brute Force of Evil
Weighing in as featherweights (126 lbs.), Hume Cronyn and John Garfield wrestle for control of Dark City’s gambling dens, bookie-joints and steamy bars. Bobo Brazil makes a wrestling appearance in this highly acclaimed film noir. French film noir critics hail it as one of most serious film noirs of all time, but moviegoers don’t understand why.

The Killer’s Kiss Me Deadly
A wild, three-in-one Kubrick flick starring a parrot as a criminal mastermind who stirs up mayhem and anarchy. Includes Ava Gardner, Marie Windsor, Charles McGraw, William Conrad, Ralph Meeker, Percy Helton, Tim Carey and Ted de Corsia, with a superb cameo performance by Elisha Cook as the parrot’s trainer.

[Steve-O]

I Wake Up Screaming Mimi!
A man (Victor Mature) wakes up and tells his girl (Anita Ekberg) to get the damned dog out of the bed! Meanwhile, Laird Creigar is peeking in the window.

[Raven]

This is getting to be as much fun as the old "Name That Noir" feature.

The Tijuana Story of Vernon and Irene Castle
Astaire and Rogers star as two-bit hoofers trying to make it big on Broadway. While climbing the ladder to the Great White Way, Rogers twists her ankle while the duo is performing south of the border and Astaire recruits young James Darren to take her place in the act.

Violent Saturday Evening Post
Beloved painter Norman Rockwell, whose work graced many a SEP cover attends Saturday matinee of VS and flips out after seeing Ernie Borgnine playing an Amish farmer! Rockwell goes “Weegee” from that point on with majority of his work now being found on the covers of “Confidential.”

Woman on the Beach Blanket Bingo
Joan Bennett vehicle which finds the former brunette femme fatale donning blond wig and floral moo moo while running surfboard shop called The Shack Out On 101. The shack goes belly up when it’s discovered the “kids,” played by Bob Denver, John Denver, and Denver Pyle have zero interest in surfing but just want to play bingo and bongos while sitting on the beach.

Note; Alternate plot was to star former NBA star wearing wig and moo moo with the name of the surf shop to be Shaq Out On 101. Project was ditched when it was discovered there wasn’t a screen large enough in any theater to show the Shaq going belly up.

[Christina Delassalle]

Deep Valley of the Dolls... lonely unhappy stuttering farm girl Ida Lupino runs off to New York and the Broadway stage and becomes embroiled in a seedy world of drugs, sex and trashy gowns.

[Keith]

Somewhere in the Night of the Hunter
A man (John Hodiak) returns from WWII with amnesia, he tries to track down his wife and two kids. He later learns that his wife was murdered and his two kids are missing. He then realizes that his alter-ego (played by Robert Mitchum) is a religious fanatic and that he murdered his own wife, and his kids ran away with his stolen $10,000. He goes on a hunt for the kids and his money.

[Raven]

This Gun for Hire and Higher
Alan Ladd plays diminutive, cat loving, cookie munching hit man Phillip Raven under contract by tone deaf Laird Cregar to bump off two Radio Music City Hall singing ushers played by Frank Sinatra and Mel Torme. Luckily, Frank and Mel are tipped off and bake up a batch of coconut macaroons to buy-off Raven. Unluckily, Cregar gets to the cookies first and seals the fate of the two crooning ushers.

[Christina Delassalle]

Crack-Up In Smoke.....Art curator George Steele experiences a train wreck...which never happened. Is he cracking up, or the victim of a plot? Maybe it was all that reefer he was smoking.

Bring Up Baby Face Nelson.....In this screwball film noir comedy, heiress Susan, Katherine Hepburn, determined to catch stuffy paleontologist David Huxley, Cary Grant, enlists the aid of her gangster pal Baby Face Nelson, (Mickey Rooney) to help "get his attention". Nelson abducts Huxley at gun point and takes him to Hepburn.
They then embark on a crime spree, commiting many brutal robberies and murders. Nelson ends up being drilled full of lead by the coppers. Susan and David escape capture, change their names, and are never seen again.

Kiss of Death Takes a Holiday...Tommy Udo keeps pushing that old lady in the wheelchair down the stairs, but the old woman just won't die.